Hurt

Tears......
Tears......
They keep flowing
It's a never ending stream...
My eyes are tired,
My body weak
For the tears have drained my strength

So I sit starring into space
Into the unknown......
Wondering..........
What do you see?

Can you see my pain?
My hurt?
My tears?

Can you see my faults?
My mistakes?
My sins?

Can you see that I'm sorry?
Can you analyze my deepest thoughts?

I try!
I try really hard to live my life up to your standards--
Up to His standards

And every time I reflect, I beat myself for having deceived you
For having failed you......
For having gone so low

I know that I'm in dire need of help.........

That is why I cry.........

In hopes that both you and He can forgive me......

Please tell Him to ease this pain of loosing you.....
Please tell Him to wipe my tears.....everyone of them.....

But it's not until I see your face again that I will truly be happy
It's not until He takes me into His arms and forgives me, that I will truly be complete


Please let it be soon.....

Copyright 2004 Liz

I RAN INTO MY LOVE AND WALKED AWAY


If I could only see the pain that you are feeling... I would stop crying.It seems like a decade since I saw you last. You walked out of my life so very long ago and took my heart and soul along for the ride. I never expected to see those eyes again. To smell you again. To touch you again. I never expected to stop breathing. The sick feeling has subsided now. It has been 4 hours since I bumped into you. The last 4 hours have felt like death. Like fear, Like bleeding. I can remember the last night I was in your arms. It was pouring rain. We were drenched and cold. I was barefoot. You carried me. You turned to me as you walked away and said the words that have lingered inside of my ear lobes ever since. "I love you like the rose loves the sun" and I replied " I love you like the stars love the sky". You blew me the last kiss I would ever receive from you. I remember thinking that we would never be apart.

Never. I was safe. I was warm. I was loved. I never saw you again. You faded away like a black shirt in the sun. You never called. You never spoke to anyone. One small letter from you was all I found the day I looked for you. I thought you were dead. I cried for days. I wondered why. All you wrote was "Katie, I am sorry. I have to leave. It's for the better. I love you like the stars love the sky. Don't you ever doubt that". Your eyes have changed now. They seem elderly. Burned, scorned, angry. Your touch was no longer warm, it made my body shiver. I gasped for air when I saw your face. I thought I would fall to the ground, my legs were like jelly. Your eyes as beautiful as ever yet lifeless. Your smile that turned quickly to a quivering frown. I could see it in your eyes. In the way that you tried to reach for me. I dropped the gallon of milk onto the floor and raced for the door as you screamed " Wait. Please. I am back here for you."

I thought I may have finally moved on and bit the bullet with this man who affected me so much. He affected me in so many positive ways and too many negative ways. He is the man for whom is to blame for my inability to love. He is the man who made all of my dreams come true just to snatch them up from under me. He left me there alone. Never giving me a reason why. For so many years I went sleepless wondering what I had done. Years and years and then there he stands.

I thought my tears had gone for good. I wasn't aware that my eyes could cry. I wasn't aware that the love that I once had for him was still there burning and as I looked into his eyes after all of this time, it boiled over and I went numb. I couldn't speak. I just stood there with tears welling over my eyes like a fountain. As his lips started to quiver... I knew. But this time it was me who walked away. I thought about this moment for almost 10 years. I played it out over and over in my head. I had so many things I wanted to say to him and there was my chance and I blew it. I froze. I freaked.

My heart feels like it did the day I knew he was never coming back. I will never be the same. I am so terrified of loving and being loved. It scares me. It haunts me. It hurts me. If I could only see the pain he is feeling inside. If it is even a small part of what I am feeling, maybe I could rest.

Why did he come back? Where has he been all of this time? Why did he leave me without saying goodbye? Why did he ever claim he loved me? I can't believe this just happened to me. I can't.

Written by Katie

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=1791799&blogID=6890593&Mytoken=20041026153343

ALONE

Never felt so alone

To much pain to bare

Things go on unknown

This life isn't fair

Everyone dies...

I'm left feeling lonely

I can't even cry

Can't help thinking "If only"

Memories fill my mind

The past scares me

and nothing I find

Will change how I'll forever be

I'm lost in my past

and I can't be saved

Things happen so fast

Why can't I mend?

Someone make this pain...

go away for atleast today

This can't be vain

I'm fading away...

Sitting in the darkness

Think about all this

Surrounded by sadness

Thinking of the ones I miss

Copyright 2004 JiNx

BITTER SWEET

Love

A feeling

All we have
All we hold
All we dream to have

Happiness

A feeling

All we searched for
Longed to have
To hold
Forever
Never
To let go

I had
I lost
I found
All of this in you

A comfort
A feeling
Freedom
All of this in you

Tonight
I shed my tears
Crystal clear
For you

My love for you ran dry with my eyes
To cleanse the pain my eyes beheld
All of this
For you

You became my everything
You took
Only to leave
With three words

I Love You

Tonight
I shed my tears
I shed them all for you
For all we could have had
And all we could have been?

As the numbness evades my lips?
Evading my fingertips?
I realize?
I have no regrets

Only you




Copyright 2004 James Shearer

CHOICE

Once upon a time long ago,
As I was sitting on a limb
All alone of fear of myself,
Never to know was I sane
As I heard the silent whispers,
The ever lasting, never quiting of the voices in my head,
Was I sane and if i was,
How long could , would I last,
So then and there I made a choice
Never to return again, to that limb
Of long ago,
But for myself to find
A far better way to meet my end,
So i said, It's time to just let go
So i let slip my gental grip
And fell from the limb of life
But only to find myself snatched out of air
To fall in the hands of God,
He said I give you one last choice
It is yours to take
Your life this day,
Or let me be your guide
And show you the way,
But to that limb you must never go again,
For it is thin and slight to break,
But come with me
Unto the tree,
And climb again to a different limb,
So I said yes and it was so,
Until the day temptation found it's way
Back into my heart,
It tried to lead me astray, down that unlawful way
Back to the limb where it all began,
As i got up to walk,
I thought again of that choice long made,
So I said nay nought be it me,
For go find someone else
For that limb is through with me...


Copyright 2004 MABUS

Sorry If I Seem Distant


Im sorry if I seem distant
But the shores are far and away
Take me oh take me
To a place I may go to stay
 
...
 
Im sorry if I seem distant
Like Im drifting of in space
Looking for a serenity
An often sought after place
 
Im sorry if I seem distant
But in my mind I fear I am
Another world within my head
Where I visit again and again
 
Im sorry if I seem distant
In my search for happiness
Through all my self exploration
I only know but this
 
When I am so distant
The pain is not so near
I struck a cord within my heart
Built a bridge of tears
 
Cross it now and again
Just to be so far
Like the things that we live for
Determines who we are
 
I suppose I am a dreamer
Felt there's something more to life
Watched each falling star
And plucked it from the sky
 
So Im sorry if I seem distant
But its in hope that my world will trap me
For when I am so distant
Is when Im truly happy
 
Copyright 2004 LoKi

It Should Have Been Better


She rarely spoke of her start in life
Or the years she'd worked to overcome strife
And all anyone saw was the smile in her eyes
Too smug and self-righteous to ever realize
Her tenderness, fragile, like a dream on the wind
Made her easy to crush when she needed a friend
When the love of her life loved someone else
And spun her joy into a version of hell
She sought out her comfort in the hugs of others
But it was clear from their words they felt so far above her:
it could be worse - don't cry
do not weep you have no right
here you sit so sad and sighing
while half the world is dead or dying
they shamed her heart with verse upon verse
of "just remember - it could always be worse"
--------
She moved on and found new smiles
Worked at making life worthwhile
But soon enough the hard times hit
The kids were hungry in clothes unfit
She toiled from dawn till late at night
Though sad and worn she did not cry
Until one day in weariness
She wept to friends of her distress
But once again they could not see
Past their own big heads to their friend in need
it could be worse - don't cry
do not weep you have no right
here you sit so sad and sighing
while half the world is dead or dying
they tore her heart with verse upon verse
of "just remember - it could always be worse"
--------

Then one day on a warm spring morning
She fell to sickness with little warning
The doctor confirmed her silent fears
And told her she'd reached the dusk of her years
Her heart was sad and she ached for friends
For someone who'd hold her and help face the end
But alone she drew her final breath
And her "friends" were surprised when they heard of her death
By way of GoodBye she left a few simple words
And prayed they'd be heeded and not go unheard:


You always told me not to cry
That as for weeping I had no right
When I was sad and fell to sighing
You said just think, you could be dying
You broke my heart with your careless verse
Don't you know I knew it could have been worse?
I only wanted warmth and love
But no matter my need it was never enough
My last dying hope is that somehow you'll see
How hurtful and careless your actions can be
And maybe the next time a "friend" needs some care
You will be kinder, and you will be there
So farewell, remember, the point of this letter:
It could have been worse, but it should have been better.


--cre

"If i close my eyes and cover my ears does that mean the world around me will stop?

What proof do i have that it doesn't?"
--Teena79

WOW!! I haven't been on here for the LONGEST time!!! It's good to be back--I guess....

I see alot has changed....I'm still trying to get used to it....Oh well!!!

No one reads this junk anyways!

What do ya think about the new video!

Let me know in my guestbook!

And check out the new Paintball link!

~liz~

We all want to fall in love. Why?
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive.
Where every sense is heightened,
every emotion is magnified,
our everyday reality is shattered
and we are flying into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon.
But that doesn't diminish its value.
Because we are left with memories
that we treasure for the rest of our lives.


- Form the movie "The Mirror Has Two Faces" -
(starring Barbara Streisand)

"You will know the real meaning of love
when you fall in love."

- A.Terance Dinesh -

I wrote this poem yesterday......I guess you can say that it's my "self-portrait," only that instead of being visually displayed, it is written out.

I like this poem because it truly expresses who I am. Not only am I describing my personality, but I am also letting my artistic side come out as well.

I have more peoms, but I've never posted them because I'm afraid someone might steal it or copy it and not give me any credit for it. I'll have to think about posting them....I must say though, that like this one, they are very personal. Some more than others, but we'll see what happens....

I hope that, after reading this, you will find a better understanding of who I am. If you know me, post a note on the message board below and tell me what you think!

Enjoy!
~liz~


Who am I?

I'm the girl that everyone loves to hate because she doesn't need to act like someone she's not...
I'm the girl who will laugh at your jokes even though they aren't funny...
I'm the girl who will be there for you regardless of the fact that you back stabbed me...
I'm the girl who believes nearly everything you say, whether I get hurt or not...
I'm the girl who, when you glance at, will look away...
I'm the girl who you see walking down the sidewalk by herself...
I'm the girl who walks with her head down...
I'm the girl you will see glancing out the passenger side window of a car as you pass me by...
I'm the girl who lies on her bed and listens to the wind tearing everything outside...
I'm the girl who loves her friends and cherishes every minute she spends with them...
I'm the girl who loves to laugh and lives to love...
I'm the girl who will listen to you when you have a problem...
I'm the girl you can count on to give you advice, not because I have wisdom, but because I care...
I'm the girl who loves God and who you will see in church very often...
I'm the girl you will probably forget about at the end of this description...
I'm the girl who gets lost in the crowd, and when you turn to look, you won't find...
I'm the girl who doesn't understand why hanging out with friends and having a good time has to involve alcohol...
I'm the girl who spends most of her time daydreaming about things that will never happen...

Do you still want to know who I am?............................

This aught to make a few of you laugh...
Enjoy!
~liz~


An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"


Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying,"Here I am, God. I'm still waiting." He got down to the last couple of minutes and a Marine just released from active duty and newly registered in the class walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him flying from his platform. The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"


The Marine replied, "God was busy; He sent me."

I think this song speaks for itself...


Is This a Dream?

My millennium skills
Are taking over like computers
Leaving large warts on the tongue of intruders
When they try to follow my patterns
Capture my plutonic ambiance
I leave upon the audience
My skills are dangerous
Contagious likes pink eye
You came to close
Now you are contaminated
The clonites hate it
The government is concerned
So they put Scully & Mulder on the case
But I move very quickly
And I'm very hard to trace
Like Tim the tool man's neighbor
Know one has really seen my face
I live by grace
Ushering in a ecclesiastical out pours
One this world has never sees before
I have no title
But they still try
But every time they get close
Like a maggot I fly
South over the sea
Watching for the rise
Of the beast called blasphemy
Blessed with all authority and earthly power
At his command
Upon him I stare
As he comes out the water
With feet shaped like a bear
As they touch dry soil
My emotions began to boil
I like a shot at one of his seven heads
With the intention of spoil
But he continues on his journey
Not even concerned with me
Walked & stopped at the equator
Healed his wound
Then pulled another beast out of the a tomb

"Chorus "

Now out of the tomb he stands
With 2 horns like a lamb
But seen in the natural realm
As a normal man
Possessing the same power's
He economically devours
Doing great miracles
Sucking in doubters
He tell all homosapien's
The first beast is greater
Be destroyed or worship your savior
He is now established his self as the man
Tells the presidents
To unify the world by
Putting a mark on to everyone's
Right hand
The world's not rebelling
Because the stage has been set tight
Flood the world with violence
So you think that it's right to take the mark of the beast
Which is looked upon as a symbol of peace
And it is a peace
A piece of your eternal spirit
Is what I scream
As I stand in front of you
But you don't here a thing

Chorus

Now that I've been spotted
And I'm on the run
From four horse men
I ditch them
Lay down by a rock
With the thoughts of resting
Then out of the sand
Came a giant scorpion
He rose ready to strike
Then all of a sudden
From my forehead came forth a light
Pulverizing the scorpions sight
He ran off screaming frantically
I stood up in bewilderment
Wondering what happen to me
Why am I not dead?
I look to the sky
To find a reflection of my face
& Across my forehead it reads
Saved by grace

Song by Sup the Chemist

Ok, I've been writing a bunch of lyrics down for the past months and just highlighted the parts that interested me or that I related to at that time. Well, now I'm going to put my input on them in my own thoughts. I should call it "LYRICS ACCORDING TO LIZ." LOL! No, I'll just type.......



My Throat Is An Open Grave


We lay face down in pale solitude
To save face, we pulled our walls in front of you
To the same place where we danced in front of you
We fell from grace and watched the hope fall from your face

This isn't me I used to say
All the love was so gone
It feels good to be alive
I've been dead for so long

And all those broken promises
I can't face, afraid if someone notices, I lose my place
Fractures, broken, paralyzed
i need some space, tear me open, analyze

This isn't me I used to say
All the love was so gone
It feels good to be alive
I've been dead for so long

Wake up screaming, I'm awake and dreaming
And I won't stop breathing until my heart stops beating

This isn't me I used to say
All the love was so gone
it feels good to be alive
I've been dead for so long

Song By: Demon Hunter



Please take into consideration that this whole song is spiritual; it is mainly discussing mankind and his rebellion against God. This song is very interesting because the song write is reflecting upon how he used to live and on how after struggling he became one with God.

Verse 1
The opening of this song discusses the sin that we as people—and humanity in general—find ourselves in. Solitude is the state or quality of being alone or remote from others, to be lonely or secluded. In this case, we are secluded and find ourselves away from God; hence “We lay face down in pale solitude”

To cover the sin and the loneliness (“to save face”) we put other things above God to distract ourselves. We make ourselves believe that God does not see our sins (“we pull our walls in front of you”). But it is hypocritical because we pull these “walls” up in the place where we say that we love God, in the place where we worship Him, in the place where we refer to Him as The Almighty, The Powerful God. (“To the same place where we danced in front of you”) We say that we love Him while at the same time we are trying “to save face” by putting up these walls in hopes of covering up our sins.

Obviously after this sinful act we are bound to fall from God’s grace (“We fell from grace”). Unfortunately this is not what God wants for us. He wants more; He wants us to repent from our sins and turn back to Him. But as a result of the sin and the walls that this group pulled up, “the hope [fell] from [His] face.”

Chorus
At this point, the speaker is reflecting on the life that he used to live and how ignorant he was, “this isn’t me I used to say.” Reflecting on the past he realizes that he lived in sin and that he truly didn’t know God. To know God one has to have love because God is love (1John 4:8). In the chorus he admits: “all the love was gone,” leaving the audience to conclude that he didn’t know God.

After this brief reflection, he states that “it feels good to be alive” because he is now one with God. He used to be spiritually “dead” for a long time (“I’ve been dead for so long”), but he finally walks in the path with God and feels good about it. He is no longer living the live of sin and the wall that once covered his face have been broken.

Verse 2
This verse deals with the struggle the song write had when he was trying to recuperate from the fallacy he was in before he became one with God. “All those broken promises I can’t face” is an indicator of the latter. He was afraid and as a result of this fear doubt began to pour into his mind.
He clearly describes the emotions that he is facing: “fractured, broken, paralyzed,” thus, he seeks help from God. He needs time (“space”) alone with God, so that He can “tear [him] open [and] analyze.” He reached the point where he finally gave up and gave into God.

Bridge
Acting in a sinful way results in death, or in his case, torture. He was tortured and haunted by evil spirits while he indulged in sin. He couldn’t tell a dream apart from reality—he was living in his nightmare. But he reached out to God and proclaimed victory over these spirits “I won’t stop breathing until my heart stops beating.” Now this person is one with God.

This song is very interesting if one analyzes it. It has lots of imagery and is very rich in emotions. I must say I have struggled, but enjoyed writing about this song. It took me 2 days so I will leave this one up for a while, or until I finish writing about another song.

Leave me a note below, or sign my guestbook and tell me what YOU think about all of this. Remember, this is/was MY opinion, this may not have been the purpose of the song at all, but this is MY point of view.