RAINED

Wash away the thoughts inside

That keep my mind away from you.

No more love and no more pride

And thoughts are all I have to do.

Remember when it rained.

I Felt the ground and looked up high

And called your name.

Remember when it rained.

In the darkness I remain.

Tears of hope run down my skin.

Tears for you that will not dry.

They magnify the one within

And let the outside slowly die.

Remember when it rained.

I felt the ground and looked up high

And called your name.

Remember when it rained.

In the water I remain

Running down

By Katie Ann

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=1791799&blogID=37184334

''I am an invisible man. No, I am not a spook like those who haunted Edgar Allan Poe; nor am I one of your Hollywood-movie ectoplasms. I am a man of substance, of flesh and bone, fiber and liquids - and I might even be said to possess a mind. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me."

(from The Invisible Man, prologue)

Tonight, Tonight


Have you ever wanted to hold
A moment in your hand
A picture in your head and never let it go.
Tonight, tonight is the time for me.
I wish the blood red moon would have lingered.
A moment in your hand
A picture in your head
even if these scars don't mend.
Black trees covered by a crimson grace.
It won't be long until I see your face.


Song by: Mourning September

“No man can ever see his own height. Let me explain what I mean. You cannot see in another man, any more than you have in yourself. Your own level strictly determines the extent to which he comes within your understanding. If your intelligence is awakened, mental qualities in another, even though they may be of the highest kind, will have no affect on you at all……..his higher mental qualities will no more exist for you than colours exist for those who cannot see.”

-Schopenhauer

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Letter I Never Sent (Maybe it was meant for you...?)


Dear ************,

I'm at the laundromat by myself today, and hence have had a lot of time to think. I've come to a conclusion and would like to share it with you. It's no great epiphany, but it's important nonetheless.

Maybe you already know this, but, just in case, I better tell you myself. I've liked you since sophomore year, and I can't hold in my feelings any longer. You are one of the most interesting and beautiful people I've ever met, and talking to you lately has only magnified these views I have of you.

You're not afraid to be a unique person, and that is the most respectable quality anyone can have. You make me feel so happy everytime I'm near you, and I only wish that that could be more often.

I know that right now ************* is the one in your heart, but you can't blame me for wanting it to be me. I'm telling you these things because I hope that even if we can't be more than friends right now, you will at least keep me in your mind.

When you've finished reading this, read it again, and really take to heart what I've said as both a compliment and an appreciation of your friendship.

Hopefully and respectfully, keep it real.

Love,
Nicole R. Rice


I couldn't help but to copy this letter because I could relate to it. I used to write letters like these when I was younger and I believe that I still have them. I don't know where, but I know I have them .... somewhere.

This letter makes so much sense to me becuase it reminds me of how insecure I used to be....of how insecure I AM for that matter! I would've LOVED to give this letter to someone I curshed on in the past...and who knows? Even someone I may crush on in the future or in the present....but like the title suggests, it's always going to be a letter that I wrote and that I "Never Sent (Maybe it was meant for you...?)"

If tears could build a stairway
And memories were a lane
We would walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again

No farewell words were spoken
No time to say good-bye
You were gone before we knew it
And only God knows why

Our hearts still ache in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know

But now we know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has more in store

Since you'll never be forgotten
We pledge to you today
A hallowed place within our hearts
Is where you'll always stay

author unknown

On August 21 2004, my mom passed away.....and I don't know why.....almost 3 weeks after the accident.....she died.....

Today marks the 6th month that she passed away. OMG.....that was half a year ago......but it seems like it was just yesterday because it STILL hurts! I was 19!! And when my 20th birthday came along in September, she wasn't there.....she wasn't there....she wasn't there for Thanksgiving.....she wan't there for Christmas.....she wasn't there for new years.....she wasn't there for.....OMG.....she's not going to be there anymore.....

I really miss her....when she died, a big piece of me went with her....she was our strength....she was our support.....she was my mom (or like i would call her, my momma bear)And now I can do nothing but cry as I type this because so many thought thoughts rush to my head.....so many spoken words....so many unspoken words....so many promises....broken....They're consuming my heart and tearing it bit by bit....

I'm in DIRE need of love right now.....and it seems like no one is ever there when I need them....

Tiny Vessel


This is the moment that you know that you told her that you loved her but you don't
You touched her skin and then you think that she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me

I spent two weeks in Silverlake, the California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks, and she was beautiful, but she didn't mean a thing to me
Yeah she was beautiful, but she didn't mean a thing to me

I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking as we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that I was telling all the playful misspellings and ever bite I made that left a mark
Then tiny vessels oozed into you neck and formed the bruises that you said you didn't want to fade
But they did an so did I that day

All I see are dark gray clouds in the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you'd ask Is something wrong?
I'd think, You're damn right there is, but we can't talk about it now! No we can't talk about it now.

So one last touch and then you'll go and we'll pretend it meant something so much more
But it was vile and it was cheap and you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah, you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me.

I got this song off of someone else's journal. What can I say? I liked it :)

THE "TWO-COW EXPLANATION" OF WHAT MAKES...



A CHRISTIAN:You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST:You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN:You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT:You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST:You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST:You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION:You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.

A SWISS CORPORATION:You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:You have two cows. You worship them.

Stole this somewhere. Hope the copyright police don't come for me. ha ha :D

Wouldn't it be great to have the innocence of a child?

. . . . .

I haven'tt visited my mother's grave since....I really don't remember.....but I guess it was a couple months ago. I've only gone twice after her burial; one time alone and the other with my sister and brother.

That day my sister and I cried at my mother's grave. It's very hard to loose a loved one especially if that loved one is your mother. It's hard to let go.

As we cried, my little brother ran around the cemetery playing with a stick. Gosh he's so innocent. I wish I were that carefree. When we were there I wondered if he realized what he was doing. That he was running around and stepping on the graves of other people's loved ones.
I guess he didn't. He was running, flinging the stick in the air and jumping as if he were chasing and fighting with the wind. I remember looking at him and thinking to myself, "I wish I could do that."

. . . . .

Sometimes I wish I were a child again and start all over but I know that that is never going to happen.

Here's a song that can somewhat convey how I feel and think sometimes:


"Like A Child"
by Jars of Clay

Dear God, surround me as I speak,
the bridges that I walk across are weak
Frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear
Dear God, don't let me fall apart,
you've held me close to you
I have turned away and searched for answers I can't understand

[Chorus:]
They say that I can move the mountains
And send them falling to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
with faith like a child

Sometimes, when I feel miles away
and my eyes can't see your face
I wonder if I've grown to lose the recklessness
I walked in light of you

[Chorus]

They say that love can heal the broken
They say that hope can make you see
They say that faith can find a Savior
If you would follow and believe
with faith like a child

Have you ever had a dream where it felt so real that you didn't know you were dreaming?


. . .


A couple nights ago I had a dream about my mom. For those of you who don't know, my mom passed away in August 2004. So having a dream about her can be, well, soothing but at the same time haunting.

She was standing in the hallway. She didn't move, didn't speak; she just stood there. She was wearing an outfit that she had had made for a special occasion. She was also wearing a sort of cape that had fur along the edges; it was black and it had a hood which covered her face.

In my dream, I had woken up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and, when I walked out, I saw here standing there. I stood there in disbelief and a great fear came over me. I stood there for a couple of seconds continually saying "nnno...nno...no...NO!" I started to cry and rushed passed her (because she was near my bedroom door). And as I rushed, I said out loud to myself, "This can't be happening....this can't be happening...no!"

She grabbed my arm just as I was about to enter my room and I totally freaked. I mean, I knew it was my mom, but I was completely terrified. She has been dead for 5 months now, and just to have her come out like that in the middle of the night and grab me freaked me out!

She yelled at me (well not yelled at me per say but you get the idea) telling me to be quiet; she was afraid that I might wake someone. She pulled me towards her and said, "come with me." Trying to break lose from her gripm, I said, "No! What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here! If they see you they're going to--"
"Shh...come on, come with me" she said once again. I continued to sob and I guess it angered her because she let me go....I'm not sure how that happened...the point is that I managed to run to my bunk-bed where my sister slept. I climbed on top and pulled my blanket over my head. I had a mixture of fear, sadness, confusion...etc...

Somehow I must have fallen asleep because I again awoke (in my dream) moments later. Someone was poking my back and when I turned around to see who it was, it was my mom again. I freaked out. She was trying to touch my face--you know, in that motherly sort of way, lovingly--but I was scared and I refused to let her touch me. I try to get as much away from her as possible, while she continued to insist for me to go with her. I sobbed and asked, "Why are you doing this?" and she didn't respond. She got irritated and left once again, leaving me sobbing on my knees.

I was able to compose myself and I tried to go back to sleep. Just as I was dosing off, I opened my eyes only to see her once again at my feet. I just whispered, "stop it, please!" and began to cry again. She responded, "Don't worry, I'm leaving. I'm taking the kids with me ok?" I said, "ok" as if it was the most natural thing for her to do. I didn't think anything of it in my dream.


. . .


Keep in mind that throughout this whole dream I didn't see her face. Since it took place in the nighttime, I only saw her shadow. But I knew it was her all the time. It was so weird; but what's more weird, is that I didn't wake up crying. One would think that I would, but I didn't.

I don't know WHAT to make of this dream. I don't know.....Any of you have any opinions?