Anchor

I stand with a blank expression now
And I can't believe myself
Will someone tell me,
How did I get here?

I am walking
Changing slowly
I am chasing
Climbing closer

I know that I'll never be alone
You will never let me go
You are my anchor

Hold my hand while I'm sinking in the sand
No one else could understand
You are my anchor

It seems that I lost track of time
And I can't believe my mind
Would you save me if I reached out to you?

I'm WAITING, watching, standing...
I am reaching
Climbing closer

I know that I'll never be alone
You will never let me go
You are my anchor

Hold my hand while I'm sinking in the sand
No one else could understand
You are my anchor

I am walking
Changing slowly
I am chasing
Climbing closer

I know that I'll never be alone
You will never let me go
You are my anchor

Hold my hand while I'm sinking in the sand
No one else could understand
You are my anchor

Can you hear me?


By Lifehouse

Release

So I HAD to blog about this!

I feel something BIG coming! (Spiritually that is). I have been having dreams about worship and I feel that God has been speaking to me. He is teaching me, through my dreams, how to strategically approach this. And I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of what God is teaching me. Sometimes I am unable to go back to sleep because I get so excited about what God is going to do!

It feels like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones! And I cannot contain it! My spirit is bursting with gladness and hunger and thankfulness and all at the same time yearning for more!

I can see it in my spirit's eye! The fire inside each and everyone of us. Trying to make its way out! Trying to burst and explode in God! I can see the flame burning inside each person wanting release. And God has been telling me that there will be release! I am excited! So excited to see this happen!

I feel God saying: "Arise oh chosen ones! Come out from hiding, for I am here to bring Salvation. I am here to bring healing. I am here to bring peace. I am the answer to your prayer. I am the solution. Release it. Worship and release it! For as you worship your spirit finds release and the hunger is satisfied. This is how you overcome! This is how you fight your battle! Because the battle is not with flesh and blood but it is a spiritual warfare. So I tell you, rise up! All ye people! Rise up and shout! Rise up and worship! For the weapons I have given you are mighty through me to the pulling down of strongholds! You cannot be silent! You must rise up and fight and wage war against the enemy of our times! Do not back up! Do not back down! Do not fear, for I am your God who is with you always."

Again I say, it is a fire shut up in my bones! And I cannot contain it!

Get excited! God is stirring up something inside of YOU! The time of release is coming!!

Mom

I came across this video and I could not help but to think of my mom...




In a way, I feel like this little girl...sometimes I feel lost and alone and then one way or another, memories of my mom lead me to where I need to be and put me back on track. I think about her a lot...I just want to make her proud and live happy like she was and wanted me to be. I just want to find myself as an adult...I just wish I had her told hold me, if only for a second...I'd do anything to have her here with me...


I miss you mom...I'll see you in my dreams :'(

Uncertainty

Uncertainty makes you realize how much you're not in control of your life as much as you want or thought you could be.

That is what my experience living in Oregon and my current job situation is teaching me. So I have decided to run back into God's arms and let Him take over.

In some sence, I feel like the prodigal child that left CA to try to make it on my own, and now that I have come to the realization that I cannot do it on my own, I feel like running back home...but I also feel like I made a great and brand new life up here and that I still need to learn so much more...so all I can do is run...in hopes that i can finish this race.

I think the song that can pretty much sum up the way I feel right now is "Out of Breath" by Lifehouse:

I still feel the same
Though everything has changed
The pain it cost now
I feel lost inside of my own name


But I keep running
I am running
I keep living for the day that Im with you
That Im with you


The past has left its stain
Now I feel the shame
I'll seize the day
If you take away
The chains of yesterday


But I keep running
I am running
I keep living for the day that Im with you
And I am waiting
I am waiting
I keep waiting for the day that Im with you


A new day
The sun is shining
Seems Im closer to finding
That life is more than where we are
No way that I am turning
As long as the sun is burning
Now it seems that all I want is you


I still feel the same
Though everything has changed
The pain it cost now
I feel lost inside of my own name


But I keep running
I am running
I keep living for the day that Im with you
And I am waiting
I am waiting
I keep waiting for the day that Im with you
That Im with you

Worship Time

Today was AWESOME! I got to help out with Worship at church!

This is a big deal for me! I can honestly say that worship is my life! My mom left me with an extraordinary gift and for that I am overly grateful. One day I'll write all about how music came to my life, but for now, let me boast about my being able to help out with worship!

After church, a person came up to me and said that half of the time she couldn't tell whether I or Jenni was singing and she had to look up to see who was in fact singing what song. Let me tell you people, Jenni Clayville has an amazing voice and to be compared to her was a huge compliment. Thanks Tammy! :)

Mark also helped harmonize with Jenni and I and we sounded awesome! We were the Dynamic Treo!

Anyway, I just wanted to write something before I went to bed. I'm super stoked that I met Jenni and that now I have something to do after work on Tuesday! Practice! In Oregon!

The rest of my life in Oregon is looking up! :)

World's Oldest Man...

Celebrates his 113th year!! AND he wants another five years! Which seems to be a downgrade after last year when he said he wants to live "for infinity!" (The Asian Reporter)

According to the article,

"Japan has one of the world's longest life expectancies, nearly 86 years for women and 79 years for men, which is often attributed to the country's healthy diet rich in fish and rice.

The number of Japanese living past 100 has more than doubled in the last six years, reaching a record high of 36,000 people this year. The country's centenarian ranks are dominated by women, who make up 86 percent of the total.

Japan's centenarian population is expected to reach nearly 1 million -- the world's largest -- by 2050, according to U.N. projections."

WOWSERS!!

I cannot imagine living to be that old! Please don't get me wrong, It would be a blessing to live that long! But what I mean to say is that my mind cannot grasp the notion of living that long. That is a really LONG time.

He was born in 1895. In case you didn't notice, that's still in the 1800's! Imagine living through the entire 20th century and being able to tell your kids, grand kids, great grand kids and great great grand kids about it?

I wonder if he is content with what he has accomplished in his 113 years of life. My mom only lived to be 42 and she got to do what she had hoped for (I think and hope).

She was a Worshiper

She was a Musician

She was an Evangelist

She was a Mother

She was a Wife

She was a Comforter

She recorded a CD

She loved God with all her heart...till her very last breath

She was Happy

She was my Friend...

I will always wonder what it would have been like to have her here. I think alot of things would be different in my life and that of my siblings, even my dad's. I think we would probably still have taken our time with her for granted.

Yes, I said for granted. Don't we do that most of the time? Take the lives of others, even our very own life for granted? We walk around in our daily routine, wake up, go to work (or school), come home and sleep. (Ok maybe some people have different routines but you know what I mean.) And yet EVERY DAY we go to sleep knowing that we will wake up the next day. But what if you don't? That, my friends, is Faith. Faith that when we go to sleep we will wake up the next morning. We don't "hope" to wake up, we dont go to bed and say "I hope I make it through the night" or "I hope I don't die in my sleep tonight." We go to bed knowing that we will make it through the night and wake up the next morning.

If the latter sounds more like you, then you live by Faith. I live by Faith. I have to, otherwise I would drive myself insane thinking about things that are WAY out of my control! Or trying to control the things that I cannot.

This man has Faith that he will live 5 more years! And I gotta hand it to him, that's extraordinary! He is 113 years old and from what the media has portrayed, he does not not have any intentions of dying any time soon! I say, good for him! And wish him many more years!

Why not? He's made it this far! What's another century? :)

I am in love with the most amazing man ever!

Reasons I love him:

He cooks
He cleans
He loves my dog
He always surprises me
He has this humor:


He makes me laugh
He makes me feel safe
He supports me no matter what

We can lounge around and still be absolutely content
He is witty
He always pushes me to be better
He is spontaneous!
He kisses me good night :)
And he kisses me good morning :)

He encourages me
He trusts me with his life
He trusts me with his life assets
He takes care of me
There is not ONE day that goes by when he doesn't say "I love you"
No matter what he always tells me what's on his mind

He is SO silly!!!

I love him with all my heart!!

I am happy today :)

Dear mom,

Why is it so hard to let go? Is it ok to sometimes feel a little bit confused? To wonder about life, death, and eternity? To wonder about being judged? Is it bad to question everything I’ve grown up to believe? Maybe it’s not what I believe…maybe it’s the people who taught me? Did they wrongfully teach me out of their own passion and greed? I know what I believe. Is it wrong to love? Is it bad to be happy? When everything feels right?

Sometimes I just wonder. About what? Different things… Just wonder. Just wonder. Sometimes I can’t even think. My mind goes blank as I stare off into space. Do you ever do that? Just fade away? Not thinking…not wondering…just stare at blankness in your mind? It’s where you go to escape from the world…from your own thoughts…from yourself.


Dear mom, why does pain come like a tide when everything seems to be going great?

When I pull back the skin I find that you’re still in here. And I remember everything…your smile, your laugh, wind in your hair, your scent, your walk, your hands, the song in your lips, the prayers you said for us, the tears in your eyes, bruises on your body, swollen arms and legs, blood on your neck, scars on your legs, your eyes, gasping for air, dead.

Welcome to life. The only thing certain in this world is death…and I wasn’t ready for it.

What happens next?

"...I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

Phil. 3:12