Dear mom,

Why is it so hard to let go? Is it ok to sometimes feel a little bit confused? To wonder about life, death, and eternity? To wonder about being judged? Is it bad to question everything I’ve grown up to believe? Maybe it’s not what I believe…maybe it’s the people who taught me? Did they wrongfully teach me out of their own passion and greed? I know what I believe. Is it wrong to love? Is it bad to be happy? When everything feels right?

Sometimes I just wonder. About what? Different things… Just wonder. Just wonder. Sometimes I can’t even think. My mind goes blank as I stare off into space. Do you ever do that? Just fade away? Not thinking…not wondering…just stare at blankness in your mind? It’s where you go to escape from the world…from your own thoughts…from yourself.


Dear mom, why does pain come like a tide when everything seems to be going great?

When I pull back the skin I find that you’re still in here. And I remember everything…your smile, your laugh, wind in your hair, your scent, your walk, your hands, the song in your lips, the prayers you said for us, the tears in your eyes, bruises on your body, swollen arms and legs, blood on your neck, scars on your legs, your eyes, gasping for air, dead.

Welcome to life. The only thing certain in this world is death…and I wasn’t ready for it.

What happens next?