In Loving Memory

Dear Momma Bear,

I forgot how wonderful and fulfilling it was to call you that. I miss you. Not one day goes by where I do not think of you. Something, as small and subtle as it may be, always pops in to my head and reminds me of you. If it's not that, it's a dream I have the night before. They feel so real. And it hurts to wake up to the knowledge that you're not there. It hurts to think about my future. And no matter how hard I try to fit you into my equation, the result is always the same. You're gone. And there is nothing I can do about it. No amount of tears will bring you back. No amount of sadness will bring you back. And no amount of dreaming will bring you back. No one dream is long enough to enjoy your company. And no one memory is happy enough to stop my hurt.




And now that my life is starting to unfold, I can't help but to feel a big void in my heart. I needed you to be here. I needed you to see me graduate. I needed you to see me grow. I needed you to see my happiness. I needed you to meet your future son in law. I needed to know that you were going to be there like you promised you were. I needed you to fight death itself.

You were always so strong. You were so selfless. You were always so full of love. You were always full of faith. Faith that could shake the foundations of death. Faith, love and strength that brought life to even the darkest of moments.



Which is why I don't understand why you gave up. Why you let death win. You battled death once and you overcame it with your faith. I feel so cheated. And yes, I'm still angry. I need you to guide me more than ever now. I need you to talk me through my engagement. I need you to be there when I try my dress on. I need you to be at my wedding. I need to see your amazing smile. I need to know that you're proud of my accomplishments. Because everyday that goes by I feel like I'm forgetting your face. Your voice. Your smile. Your embrace. You.

Dear Momma Bear,

If you visit my dream tonight, will you please sing with me?

I love you. And I miss you so much.